I get to the point where I’m ready for something new. When everything feels like it’s in a pretty good place and I have a nice handle on all the things I’m doing. A good routine is set with exercise and eating habits that work well for everyone involved. I’m getting up early and writing. Lately I’ve found myself in a place completely different than I thought I’d be at this time last year. Somewhere that I didn’t think I’d be staring at for years. But here we are. Settling in to an equilibrium that I’m happy with. So I start thinking that I’m ready for a new topic, a new addition.
But, of course, that thought immediately paralyzes me.
Adding more to my plate is the most logical thing. It would keep me growing, prevent stagnation. But it could also go so far in the other direction that I lose all the freedom and inspiration that is responsible for me thriving currently. There is such a gentle balance to strike there that I have never gotten the hang of. I suppose that’s the crux of being a truly all or nothing girl. Add too much and nothing gets done. Add too little and I’ll feel like it barely counts and just want to add more. More until it’s too much again. Add to that the seemingly endless amount of things I could choose from and I’m stuck constantly second-guessing. I feel like there must be a relevant story in Greek or Roman mythology for this. Some dude that had his choice of most everything and didn’t want to choose because he would lose the ability to choose the other things later. Never choosing anything at all and never growing, never changing.
There must be a balance there. Where giving up a little of my freedom for my betterment doesn’t seem so daunting. A logical decision out of all the possible choices that doesn’t make me lose sight of all my other options. I feel like I’m looking for more no-brainers in my life. When I spend my time writing or exercising I never wonder if I should have spent my time doing something else. When I commit to weekly appointments with a therapist I never wonder if I’m missing out on something better those mornings. When I married Mason I never thought for a second about not dating any of the other guys out there. Those weren’t hard decisions. But they also weren’t decisions I mulled over or debated, so maybe that’s the only real problem I have.
Forever cursed to think too damn much.